"Zach.. He was a fine young boy, athletic and artistic. He was well loved, but had no true guidence. His 16 year old sister, Scarlett, will not speak to anyone and shes now filing for an amancipation from her dead parents, who passed away in a car accident last year, so she can be treated as an adult. We ask for our viewers to post their thoughts on our beloved Scarletts choices of no longer speaking and seperating herself from her family. Now to Sarah, with the weather."
_______
"Zach! No.. He cant be dead..." I was clutching my brothers slightly warm body, sobbing. "Why..?" I ask softly.
"He was fine this morning.. but then he ditched 3rd to get out of some test. He said.. Some people sold him some pop rocks and then left.. I.. I thought maybe he was allergic to it because he started convulsing and then just fell... And.. And then i texted you..." Nomis said quietly.
"You texted me during 5th. If he ditched 3rd, and then he died why did you wait so long to text me?!"
"No, he got them during 3rd at the park, but then he waited till 4th to eat it... Because he was waiting for me... But even when I got there we didnt open it right away... He was trying to convince me to give him a dollar for some of it.. But I wouldnt," she said, starting to cry.
"Who gave it to him..." I said through gritted teeth.
"I dont kn--"
"Dont fucking lie to me. I dont care if theyre your friends, or dealers or even if they were your fucking brother, you better tell me." I interrupted, glaring at Nomis.
"It was this guy named Max..." Nomis said, taking a step away from me.
__________________
"Why didnt you call 911?" Dr. Grant asked Nomis.
"I... I didnt... I thought.. eh..." Nomis stammered.
"She didnt want to get in trouble." her parents said in unison.
"So you text his sister instead... That wasnt very responsible young lady, he couldve had a chance. A small one, but still a chance."
Outside, the officer that had come down to answer my call was sitting with me, telling me everything was going to be okay.
"We will make sure to catch everyone involved in this, I promise." He said, patting my shoulder.
__________________
"Scarlett! Scarlett! Look what i found!" Zach yelled, running into my room, holding a small hampster.
"Oh my god you found Fluffy!" I said happily, getting up and taking the hampster from him.
"Yea! He was in the kitchen! Haha and youll never guess where in the kitchen.." Zach says, laughing.
__________________
I was kneeling next to Zachs grave stone, crying.
"I love you little brother..."
__________________
I woke up with a start, to find myself sobbing. I quickly wiped the tears away and grabbed the razor that was on my dresser. Without even thinking, I dug it into my thigh and cut, over and over.
After cleaning my thigh up, I made several lines on my wrist, then put the razor down. I watched as the beads of blood dripped down and flowed together, going down my arm staining my sheets with small, red dropplets...
Me!
Hello there, Im Madi, and you are...
6/18/10
Scarletts Scars Ch.4
-and i dont want the world to see me, cuz i dont think that theyd understand.. everything is made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am...-
I sit at my easle, staring at my blank sketchbook page in front of me.
"Draw the first beautiful thing that comes to mind" were the teachers instructions. So simple, but all I can think of is Blake.
Hes not beautiful...
But the he had looked at me was..
No! No feelings. i cant let myself do that again... no...
I close my eyes and let my pencil guide me across the rough paper. I dont realise that Ive opened my eyes and is working on the details in colored pencil. I look at what Ive gotten done and see my brothers face smiling up at me.
Well.. its better than drawing Blake i guess.. But Zach? ...i miss him...
"Thats amazing. Is that, like, your boyfriend or something?" A high pitched voice says from over my shoulder.
I turn around and almost ram my face into a bright pink push up bra, thats barely being covered by a green tank top. I look up and see Brittany, a sophmore who is quote-unquote easy, but a damn good sculptor. I grab my chalkboard from the side of my easle and write:
no, my brother.
Then hand it to her.
"Oh how old is he? Hes fiiiiine..." Brittany says, giggling.
I take the chalkbaord back and write:
well, he wouldve been 15 next month...
he died last year...
As I hand the chalkboard back to Brittany, I see Blake walking towards me, sketchbook in hand.
"Oh.. Im sorry.. I.. I didnt know.." Brittany says, her voice alot less highpitched.
I nod to say its okay as Blake walks up, causing Brittany to go into "flirt mode".
"Hi, Im Brittany, whats your name?" She says to Blake, standing straighter.
"Hi, Im Blake. Hey, scarlett, I was wondering if I could draw you for the assignment.. Flowers and landscapes are getting boring.."
"Oh! Oh! You can draw me!" Brittany says, stepping infront of me, forcing him to look at her.
As Blake tries to move Brittany out of the way, I pack up my sketchbook and pencils and grab my chalkboard. I walk over to the teacher and write on it to ask permission to draw outside. After getting Mr. Reynalds approval of leaving class, I shove my chalkboard into my bag and hand him my sketch, then leave.
Outside, I take out my sketchbook and sit under the raining tree, as some people call it, because it drips watery sap from the branches. I start sketching the quad with my charcoal pencils and then take out my ipod, push play, and then hit shuffle playlist.
-i know this pretty rave girl, always think about her, when she says hi to me, wanna take a chance and get a little closer, maybe get to know her...-
I was so into everything Im doing, i didn't notice Blake sitting by the other tree across the quad sketching me as I sketch.
_______________________________
-just dance-
CLICK
-lets have some fun, this beat is sick, i wanna take a ride in your disco sti-
CLICK
-brass monkey! that funkey monkey!-
CLICK
I couldnt find anything to listen to.. shuffle is starting to piss me off.
I was sitting in the choir room, waiting for show choir to end so I could practice with Mr. Fritzen. Choir is the only thing that I have left to prove to people that I still have a voice. And many people are too shocked to believe it when they hear my solos. The mute girl sings.
As I am lost in thought, I look over to see Blake sitting under the tree in the quad, still drawing. Part of me was curious as to what he was doing, Another part told me to sit and wait for Fritzen to be available. But another part wondered more...
What if he likes me..?
I look at Mr. Fritzen to see him yelling at someone to get out, and come to the conclusion that waiting would be too pointless. I get up and start walking over to Blake. Halfway there, he gets up and starts to pack his things into his backpack.
Oh.. hes leaving...
I stand there a moment, indecicive. Should I go up to him anyway? As i start to turn around to walk away, someone taps me on the shoulder. I look back, and run into the front of Blakes rolling stones T-shirt.
"Hey there!" Blake says, looking down at me and laughing.
I nod my hello up at him and rub my nose a little bit.
"Hey you wanna go grab something to eat?" He asks, still laughing some.
I open my mouth in suprise and then close it quickly and shake my head, pointing to the choir room.
"Oh, practice?"
I nod and turn away, walking back to the choir room.
"Okay, so Ill wait." He says, looking down at me as he catches up. He was serious. He could tell that I was about to object, so he stood his ground. "I'm not losing you again today. youve had me chasing you all day, I think Ive earned buying you some food and giving you a ride home."
I stand there for a moment in amazment, wondering what to do. I look at him, and then at the choir room, where show choir was starting to leave.
Crap.. Im not getting out of this..
I walk past him and over to the choir room door, then stop and turn around, waiting for him to follow. Inside, Mr. Fritzen was sitting inside his office. I walk over to the door and knock a couple times.
"Oh great! youre here! Do you want to do your solo?" Mr. Fritzen asks enthusiastically.
I knock twice for yes and smile.
"Good. Lets get started then," Mr. Fritzen said, walking over to the piano.
Sitting at the piano with the music in front of him, Mr. Fritzen seemed.. more calm.. less crazy.
haha, at least show choir didnt piss him off too badly
My song, my immortal by evanessance, really makes me want to talk again.. But a song isnt enough. As I start to sing, i try as hard as I can NOT to look at Blake. No go.
I glance over, expecting to see the usual reaction, but instead I see him just.. listening. I jumble a word slightly but keep going.
I cant believe hes hearing me sing.. God.. i cant fall for him.. I cant!
After I finish practicing with Fritzen, Blake leads me to his car.
"So, youre really good," He says, smiling at me as he starts the car.
I start to take out my phone to type a message out to him, but he stops me.
"No, dont say anything. I kinda just wanna talk to you.. if thats okay..?" He asks, seeming shy.
I nod my head, and sit back, folding my arms over my chest.
"Okay, I barely know you. But i like you. You interest me. You dont talk.. which.. I can understand. When you smile, your whole face lights up, and your voice is amazing. You have so much talent, and I feel as if I know you, but I dont. Its weird, but right from the start, I felt like I knew you from somewhere," He said, all in one big rush.
I was overwhelmed by evcerything he was telling me.
I open my mouth, almost saying something but closing it again before i do.
"Is it okay if i ask how your brother died...?" He asks quietly.
I shake my head no, turning to the window.
"Alright."
I take my phone out of my pocket and text a new message to him.
message: Let me out on the corner please
I hand him the phone and he sighs.
As the line of cars moves ahead, Blake doesnt move the car. After about two minutes of honking and yelling, he presses the gas, shooting the car forward a bit too fast.
"HOLYSHIT!" I say as my head hits the back of the seat.
The first time Id said anything since my brothers funeral..
"Oh my god I'm so sorry! Are you okay??" Blake asked, looking a bit scared. "Im so sorry. I dont know why I did that..."
I didnt say anything. I didnt even look at him. I waited untill we stopped at a red light, then unbuckled the seat belt, grabbed my bag and got out of the car. I walked down the sidewalk, ignoring Blake as he called my name. I am done.
I knew I shouldve never talked to him...
I sit at my easle, staring at my blank sketchbook page in front of me.
"Draw the first beautiful thing that comes to mind" were the teachers instructions. So simple, but all I can think of is Blake.
Hes not beautiful...
But the he had looked at me was..
No! No feelings. i cant let myself do that again... no...
I close my eyes and let my pencil guide me across the rough paper. I dont realise that Ive opened my eyes and is working on the details in colored pencil. I look at what Ive gotten done and see my brothers face smiling up at me.
Well.. its better than drawing Blake i guess.. But Zach? ...i miss him...
"Thats amazing. Is that, like, your boyfriend or something?" A high pitched voice says from over my shoulder.
I turn around and almost ram my face into a bright pink push up bra, thats barely being covered by a green tank top. I look up and see Brittany, a sophmore who is quote-unquote easy, but a damn good sculptor. I grab my chalkboard from the side of my easle and write:
no, my brother.
Then hand it to her.
"Oh how old is he? Hes fiiiiine..." Brittany says, giggling.
I take the chalkbaord back and write:
well, he wouldve been 15 next month...
he died last year...
As I hand the chalkboard back to Brittany, I see Blake walking towards me, sketchbook in hand.
"Oh.. Im sorry.. I.. I didnt know.." Brittany says, her voice alot less highpitched.
I nod to say its okay as Blake walks up, causing Brittany to go into "flirt mode".
"Hi, Im Brittany, whats your name?" She says to Blake, standing straighter.
"Hi, Im Blake. Hey, scarlett, I was wondering if I could draw you for the assignment.. Flowers and landscapes are getting boring.."
"Oh! Oh! You can draw me!" Brittany says, stepping infront of me, forcing him to look at her.
As Blake tries to move Brittany out of the way, I pack up my sketchbook and pencils and grab my chalkboard. I walk over to the teacher and write on it to ask permission to draw outside. After getting Mr. Reynalds approval of leaving class, I shove my chalkboard into my bag and hand him my sketch, then leave.
Outside, I take out my sketchbook and sit under the raining tree, as some people call it, because it drips watery sap from the branches. I start sketching the quad with my charcoal pencils and then take out my ipod, push play, and then hit shuffle playlist.
-i know this pretty rave girl, always think about her, when she says hi to me, wanna take a chance and get a little closer, maybe get to know her...-
I was so into everything Im doing, i didn't notice Blake sitting by the other tree across the quad sketching me as I sketch.
_______________________________
-just dance-
CLICK
-lets have some fun, this beat is sick, i wanna take a ride in your disco sti-
CLICK
-brass monkey! that funkey monkey!-
CLICK
I couldnt find anything to listen to.. shuffle is starting to piss me off.
I was sitting in the choir room, waiting for show choir to end so I could practice with Mr. Fritzen. Choir is the only thing that I have left to prove to people that I still have a voice. And many people are too shocked to believe it when they hear my solos. The mute girl sings.
As I am lost in thought, I look over to see Blake sitting under the tree in the quad, still drawing. Part of me was curious as to what he was doing, Another part told me to sit and wait for Fritzen to be available. But another part wondered more...
What if he likes me..?
I look at Mr. Fritzen to see him yelling at someone to get out, and come to the conclusion that waiting would be too pointless. I get up and start walking over to Blake. Halfway there, he gets up and starts to pack his things into his backpack.
Oh.. hes leaving...
I stand there a moment, indecicive. Should I go up to him anyway? As i start to turn around to walk away, someone taps me on the shoulder. I look back, and run into the front of Blakes rolling stones T-shirt.
"Hey there!" Blake says, looking down at me and laughing.
I nod my hello up at him and rub my nose a little bit.
"Hey you wanna go grab something to eat?" He asks, still laughing some.
I open my mouth in suprise and then close it quickly and shake my head, pointing to the choir room.
"Oh, practice?"
I nod and turn away, walking back to the choir room.
"Okay, so Ill wait." He says, looking down at me as he catches up. He was serious. He could tell that I was about to object, so he stood his ground. "I'm not losing you again today. youve had me chasing you all day, I think Ive earned buying you some food and giving you a ride home."
I stand there for a moment in amazment, wondering what to do. I look at him, and then at the choir room, where show choir was starting to leave.
Crap.. Im not getting out of this..
I walk past him and over to the choir room door, then stop and turn around, waiting for him to follow. Inside, Mr. Fritzen was sitting inside his office. I walk over to the door and knock a couple times.
"Oh great! youre here! Do you want to do your solo?" Mr. Fritzen asks enthusiastically.
I knock twice for yes and smile.
"Good. Lets get started then," Mr. Fritzen said, walking over to the piano.
Sitting at the piano with the music in front of him, Mr. Fritzen seemed.. more calm.. less crazy.
haha, at least show choir didnt piss him off too badly
My song, my immortal by evanessance, really makes me want to talk again.. But a song isnt enough. As I start to sing, i try as hard as I can NOT to look at Blake. No go.
I glance over, expecting to see the usual reaction, but instead I see him just.. listening. I jumble a word slightly but keep going.
I cant believe hes hearing me sing.. God.. i cant fall for him.. I cant!
After I finish practicing with Fritzen, Blake leads me to his car.
"So, youre really good," He says, smiling at me as he starts the car.
I start to take out my phone to type a message out to him, but he stops me.
"No, dont say anything. I kinda just wanna talk to you.. if thats okay..?" He asks, seeming shy.
I nod my head, and sit back, folding my arms over my chest.
"Okay, I barely know you. But i like you. You interest me. You dont talk.. which.. I can understand. When you smile, your whole face lights up, and your voice is amazing. You have so much talent, and I feel as if I know you, but I dont. Its weird, but right from the start, I felt like I knew you from somewhere," He said, all in one big rush.
I was overwhelmed by evcerything he was telling me.
I open my mouth, almost saying something but closing it again before i do.
"Is it okay if i ask how your brother died...?" He asks quietly.
I shake my head no, turning to the window.
"Alright."
I take my phone out of my pocket and text a new message to him.
message: Let me out on the corner please
I hand him the phone and he sighs.
As the line of cars moves ahead, Blake doesnt move the car. After about two minutes of honking and yelling, he presses the gas, shooting the car forward a bit too fast.
"HOLYSHIT!" I say as my head hits the back of the seat.
The first time Id said anything since my brothers funeral..
"Oh my god I'm so sorry! Are you okay??" Blake asked, looking a bit scared. "Im so sorry. I dont know why I did that..."
I didnt say anything. I didnt even look at him. I waited untill we stopped at a red light, then unbuckled the seat belt, grabbed my bag and got out of the car. I walked down the sidewalk, ignoring Blake as he called my name. I am done.
I knew I shouldve never talked to him...
Scarletts Scars Ch.3
I pop my gum loudly as I started my English test. Ten minutes later I get up and place it on the turn in rack. First one done, as always, but I dont really care. School always comes easy to me, for instance, I couldve taken that test in my sleep. Teachers were just starting to accept that I wouldnt speak, even to them. The oral assignments had to be turned into written assinments for me or else I refused to participate.
I pull out my ipod and push play, turning it up halfway, loud enough to drown out the chattering class but low enough so Miss Richards wouldnt take it away.. my only sanctuary besides paper.
-Stop and stare
I think Im moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But Ive become what I cant be oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why youre here not there
And youd give anything to get what's fair
But fair aint what you really need
Oh can you see what I see-
As Im writing in my notebook, I feel someone starring at me...
Dont look up... Dont look up... Dont look up...
I look up through my eyelashes and see a tall boy starring at me across the room.
He wasnt here yesterday... He must be new...
His long brown hair covers one of his eyes, flipping slightly at the ends. He sees me looking back at him and smiles a small, crooked half smile. It almost made me want to smile back. I look back down at the poem i was working on in my notebook to hide my blush.
After class, I pack up my old, tattered back pack and get up to leave. The boy is standing by the door as if waiting for something.. or someone.
Is he waiting for me..?
He is. I try to walk past him, but he stops me by grabbing my wrist and turning me towards him.
What the hell??
i turn my wrist and pull it out of his grasp easily, and walk out of the door. He follows me, "Whats your name?" he asks, his voice is velvety.. but rough at the same time.
I look at him and point to one of my bracelets.
"Scarlett..." he whispers, more to himself than to me.
I decide to take advantage of his pause, and steps into the passing crowd, where its nearly impossible to find someone.
"Wait!" he calls into the throng of rushing people.. but its too late, I'm gone.
__________
I sit down and look at my wrists.. the growing anxiety is overwhelming..
Not here... I dont want to do it here...
I get up and walk over to the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, and sit down. I rumage through my backpack and pull out the small black case I hold my art supplies in.. less suspicious. I grab my razor and dry handwipes, and take all my bracelets off of my left arm. The razor bites into my arm, going over an old scar making it new again. No tears to spill... too many have been wasted on pointless things... no more tears to spill.
I clean the new wound and stop the bleeding, inhaling sharply as I replace my bracelets; they are irritating my fresh cut.
Im numb.. for now.. Damn.. time to go back out..
I go back to my lone spot in the corner of the cafeteria. A small space in a window, where the ledge is just big enough to sit on. I pull my legs up to my chest, and wrap my arms around them, searching my songs on my ipod as i do so.
-you cut me open and I... keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love. I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love.. oh you cut me open and I....-
I feel a tap on my shoulder and look up to see the boy from English, sitting down on the ledge across from me.
Not him again..
"Hi... Scarlett, right?" he asks, flashing that crooked halfsmile.
I nod, and push pause on my ipod.
"Cool, Im Blake. What grade are you in?" he asks, looking at me with his chocolate brown eyes.
I hold up a finger; one moment. I take out my phone and start a new message.
message: hello Blake. nice to meet you..
im a junior, u?
I hand him the phone and wait for him to ask the golden question.. "why dont you talk?"
But blake didnt ask that.. Instead, he says "Im a junior too. i just transferred here from Westlake. Whats your schedual?" As he said this, he handed me the phone back.
He didnt ask...
I was incredulous. i type out another message into my phone;
message: Lovo, math. fritzen, choir. PE.
English, Richards. lunch. Reynalds,
Art. and free period.
I hand him back my phone, and fighting back a smile, turn my ipod off.
"We have English and Art together!" he exclaimed, smiling a weird chagrin and handing me the phone again.
What am I doing??
I take the phone and type:
message: kool.. i uhh... i gata go..
I hand him the phone, and when he looks up when he looks up at me, a confused look on his face, and I grab my phone back and get up. As i walk away, Blake gets up and lightly grabs my hand.
"Wait, please dont leave again..." he says, aalmost desperately.
I pull my hand back gently and shake my head, walking backwards slowly, then turn away.
I cant start feeling things again... I promised myself.. I cant do this...
But I couldnt help looking back at him one more time. I looked at the spot where his hand had touched mine so gently.. how his had enveloped my small hand in his big one.. How cold my hand seemed now..
No.. I cant think of him. I cant let myself..
I pull out my ipod and push play, turning it up halfway, loud enough to drown out the chattering class but low enough so Miss Richards wouldnt take it away.. my only sanctuary besides paper.
-Stop and stare
I think Im moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But Ive become what I cant be oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why youre here not there
And youd give anything to get what's fair
But fair aint what you really need
Oh can you see what I see-
As Im writing in my notebook, I feel someone starring at me...
Dont look up... Dont look up... Dont look up...
I look up through my eyelashes and see a tall boy starring at me across the room.
He wasnt here yesterday... He must be new...
His long brown hair covers one of his eyes, flipping slightly at the ends. He sees me looking back at him and smiles a small, crooked half smile. It almost made me want to smile back. I look back down at the poem i was working on in my notebook to hide my blush.
After class, I pack up my old, tattered back pack and get up to leave. The boy is standing by the door as if waiting for something.. or someone.
Is he waiting for me..?
He is. I try to walk past him, but he stops me by grabbing my wrist and turning me towards him.
What the hell??
i turn my wrist and pull it out of his grasp easily, and walk out of the door. He follows me, "Whats your name?" he asks, his voice is velvety.. but rough at the same time.
I look at him and point to one of my bracelets.
"Scarlett..." he whispers, more to himself than to me.
I decide to take advantage of his pause, and steps into the passing crowd, where its nearly impossible to find someone.
"Wait!" he calls into the throng of rushing people.. but its too late, I'm gone.
__________
I sit down and look at my wrists.. the growing anxiety is overwhelming..
Not here... I dont want to do it here...
I get up and walk over to the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, and sit down. I rumage through my backpack and pull out the small black case I hold my art supplies in.. less suspicious. I grab my razor and dry handwipes, and take all my bracelets off of my left arm. The razor bites into my arm, going over an old scar making it new again. No tears to spill... too many have been wasted on pointless things... no more tears to spill.
I clean the new wound and stop the bleeding, inhaling sharply as I replace my bracelets; they are irritating my fresh cut.
Im numb.. for now.. Damn.. time to go back out..
I go back to my lone spot in the corner of the cafeteria. A small space in a window, where the ledge is just big enough to sit on. I pull my legs up to my chest, and wrap my arms around them, searching my songs on my ipod as i do so.
-you cut me open and I... keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love. I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love.. oh you cut me open and I....-
I feel a tap on my shoulder and look up to see the boy from English, sitting down on the ledge across from me.
Not him again..
"Hi... Scarlett, right?" he asks, flashing that crooked halfsmile.
I nod, and push pause on my ipod.
"Cool, Im Blake. What grade are you in?" he asks, looking at me with his chocolate brown eyes.
I hold up a finger; one moment. I take out my phone and start a new message.
message: hello Blake. nice to meet you..
im a junior, u?
I hand him the phone and wait for him to ask the golden question.. "why dont you talk?"
But blake didnt ask that.. Instead, he says "Im a junior too. i just transferred here from Westlake. Whats your schedual?" As he said this, he handed me the phone back.
He didnt ask...
I was incredulous. i type out another message into my phone;
message: Lovo, math. fritzen, choir. PE.
English, Richards. lunch. Reynalds,
Art. and free period.
I hand him back my phone, and fighting back a smile, turn my ipod off.
"We have English and Art together!" he exclaimed, smiling a weird chagrin and handing me the phone again.
What am I doing??
I take the phone and type:
message: kool.. i uhh... i gata go..
I hand him the phone, and when he looks up when he looks up at me, a confused look on his face, and I grab my phone back and get up. As i walk away, Blake gets up and lightly grabs my hand.
"Wait, please dont leave again..." he says, aalmost desperately.
I pull my hand back gently and shake my head, walking backwards slowly, then turn away.
I cant start feeling things again... I promised myself.. I cant do this...
But I couldnt help looking back at him one more time. I looked at the spot where his hand had touched mine so gently.. how his had enveloped my small hand in his big one.. How cold my hand seemed now..
No.. I cant think of him. I cant let myself..
Scarletts Scars Ch. 2
6 MONTHS LATER
I lean my head against the cool wall, and reach for my phone. Four texts.. three from Nomis, who texts everyday.. my only friend that hasnt givin up talking to me.. or trying to at least, other than Cris of course. They all say the same thing,"how are you?" "I miss you, txt me back." "i wanna know how youre doing, text me back please." I skip her texts and go to the one from Cris, the fourth text, "call me when you wake up."
I pick up the peice of paper that Cris had wrote his new home number on, and punched punched it into my phone.
"Hello? Scarlett?" Cris's voice sounded tired, as if he hadn't gotten much sleep.
I press a button twice to indicate yes, it was me.
"Alright.. When do you want me to pick you up?"
I push a button ten times; ten minutes.
"okay, Ill try, okay?"
I push a button three times for okay.
Cris hangs up first, so I push the end button. I lean back against the wall closing my eyes, and sigh.
Why am I always so tired?
As I think this, my eyes start to droop, and soon, I was asleep.
________________________________________________
"Mom?" im calling out into an empty house. Thats right... Mom is with dad at that thing downtown.. okay... "Zack?" Im hoping my brother hadnt gone too.
"In here!" Zack calls out from the living room. "Im taking advantage of being home alone," he sticks his tounge out at me as I walk into the room.
"You have a point I guess." I sit next to my brother on the couch, and punch him playfully on the shoulder. I soon fell asleep watching cartoons with Zach laughing next to me.
------A FEW HOURS LATER------
I wake up suddenly to see the home phone ringing and buzzing its way off of the coffee table. I look up at the clock as I pick up the phone to answer it.
"Hello?" I ask groggily. 2:43am who the hell is calling..?
"Hello, is this Scarlett Randall?" an unknown voice asks.
"Yes.."
"Im sorry to inform you of this, but your parents have been in a major car accident.. they were hit by a Mac truck heading off the 101 comming home... Miss we are sending an officer to come get you so you can tell us if this is actually your parents' car.
"Wait, what? No. I cant do that. Just.. Just read me the license plate or something. I cant leave my brother at home at by himself at three in the morning," I say every word with as much authority as I could muster.
"Miss, I know youre upset.. but that doesn't mean that yo--"
"JUST READ MY THE DAMN LICENSE PLATE NUMBER."
There was a brief pause as if the officer was trying to decide what to do, as I tried to calm my hiccups. Some shuffling indicated that the officer was walking over towards something or someone.
"12OU3V5 California, Ventura," the officers voice was smaller, softer.
"Yes thats our car.. goodbye," I hung up quickly, not wanting to hear anything else the officer had to say.
________________________________________
"Scarlett... Scarlett?" A voice drifted somewhere close by.
I sit up suddenly to find Cris standing over me, calling my name. Thats when I relize Im breathing heavily and gripping the carpet.
Cris sits down and pulls me into his lap gently. "did you have the dream again?" He starts rocking me back and forth slowly, and trys unsuccessfully to brush my bangs out of my eyes as I nod. I lean against his chest and he looks down at me. I guess he saw how misserable I was, so he took charge again. Just like he did the day I found out about Zack...
"Babe, come on. Time to get ready for school," he said, pulling me up with him. "Im going to pick out what you wear if you dont."
I just blink at him. After a moment, I walked past him and into my room, flopping down on the bed and pointing towards my dresser.
"Okay," he says, walking over there. He hands me my blue tank top and black, torn Sublime T-shirt that hangs off my shoulders. He looked through my drawers for my pants and decided on my black skinny skinny jeans with ripped knees. He left the room as I changed and did my makeup and hair, and waited with my purple hightop converse in one hand, and my black combat boots that have shiny buckles all the way up the side in the other hand. I grab my converse and pull them on, tightening the laces and then grab my keys. I walk into the kitchen and grab the box of granola bars off the counter along with my phone and backpack, and head to the door.
Downstairs of the tiny apartment complex, Cris's girlfriend, Dawn, was waiting in the car. I get in the backseat and avoid eye contact by nodding my head foreward, causing my bangs to fall in front of my eyes like a curtain. I can see out, but no one can see in...
"Good morning Scarlett," Dawn says.
I nod my head once in greeting and then look out the window. I take my headphones out of my back pack and plug them into my ipod, turning it on and ccranking up the volume so as to block out all sound. Secondhand Serenade's Fall For You fills my head as I lean against the cold glass of the window. As the song dies down, I hear Dawn saying sdomething about me to Cris, so I press pause to listen.
"--Never talks, and its starting to bug me. I dont understand her movements like you do! she wont use the chalkboard I bought her so we could communicate.. I try to let her know I love her as much as you do, but she wont let me!" she says to Cris angrily.
"Well if your parents died and then a year later, your little brother; the only family you had left, died too, you wouldn't want to talk to anyone either." Cris replies sternly.
"But why us too? We take care of her for Gods sake! I just want to hear her soft voice one more time.. even if its just for a thank you.. just ONCE," Dawn says softly, but concerned.
I didnt want to hear anymore of her rant, so i pushed play again, and let my music drown out the world once more.
-my tears run down like razor blades, and no, I'm not the one to blame, its you... or is it me?-
I pushed next, not wanting to listen to the song Zack used to hum to himself subconsciously all the time, having heard it so many times blasting from my sterio.
-you would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies... lit up the world as i fell asleep.. cuz they fill the open air, and leave teardrops everywhere. you'd think me rude but i would just stand and... stare.-
I lean my head against the cool wall, and reach for my phone. Four texts.. three from Nomis, who texts everyday.. my only friend that hasnt givin up talking to me.. or trying to at least, other than Cris of course. They all say the same thing,"how are you?" "I miss you, txt me back." "i wanna know how youre doing, text me back please." I skip her texts and go to the one from Cris, the fourth text, "call me when you wake up."
I pick up the peice of paper that Cris had wrote his new home number on, and punched punched it into my phone.
"Hello? Scarlett?" Cris's voice sounded tired, as if he hadn't gotten much sleep.
I press a button twice to indicate yes, it was me.
"Alright.. When do you want me to pick you up?"
I push a button ten times; ten minutes.
"okay, Ill try, okay?"
I push a button three times for okay.
Cris hangs up first, so I push the end button. I lean back against the wall closing my eyes, and sigh.
Why am I always so tired?
As I think this, my eyes start to droop, and soon, I was asleep.
________________________________________________
"Mom?" im calling out into an empty house. Thats right... Mom is with dad at that thing downtown.. okay... "Zack?" Im hoping my brother hadnt gone too.
"In here!" Zack calls out from the living room. "Im taking advantage of being home alone," he sticks his tounge out at me as I walk into the room.
"You have a point I guess." I sit next to my brother on the couch, and punch him playfully on the shoulder. I soon fell asleep watching cartoons with Zach laughing next to me.
------A FEW HOURS LATER------
I wake up suddenly to see the home phone ringing and buzzing its way off of the coffee table. I look up at the clock as I pick up the phone to answer it.
"Hello?" I ask groggily. 2:43am who the hell is calling..?
"Hello, is this Scarlett Randall?" an unknown voice asks.
"Yes.."
"Im sorry to inform you of this, but your parents have been in a major car accident.. they were hit by a Mac truck heading off the 101 comming home... Miss we are sending an officer to come get you so you can tell us if this is actually your parents' car.
"Wait, what? No. I cant do that. Just.. Just read me the license plate or something. I cant leave my brother at home at by himself at three in the morning," I say every word with as much authority as I could muster.
"Miss, I know youre upset.. but that doesn't mean that yo--"
"JUST READ MY THE DAMN LICENSE PLATE NUMBER."
There was a brief pause as if the officer was trying to decide what to do, as I tried to calm my hiccups. Some shuffling indicated that the officer was walking over towards something or someone.
"12OU3V5 California, Ventura," the officers voice was smaller, softer.
"Yes thats our car.. goodbye," I hung up quickly, not wanting to hear anything else the officer had to say.
________________________________________
"Scarlett... Scarlett?" A voice drifted somewhere close by.
I sit up suddenly to find Cris standing over me, calling my name. Thats when I relize Im breathing heavily and gripping the carpet.
Cris sits down and pulls me into his lap gently. "did you have the dream again?" He starts rocking me back and forth slowly, and trys unsuccessfully to brush my bangs out of my eyes as I nod. I lean against his chest and he looks down at me. I guess he saw how misserable I was, so he took charge again. Just like he did the day I found out about Zack...
"Babe, come on. Time to get ready for school," he said, pulling me up with him. "Im going to pick out what you wear if you dont."
I just blink at him. After a moment, I walked past him and into my room, flopping down on the bed and pointing towards my dresser.
"Okay," he says, walking over there. He hands me my blue tank top and black, torn Sublime T-shirt that hangs off my shoulders. He looked through my drawers for my pants and decided on my black skinny skinny jeans with ripped knees. He left the room as I changed and did my makeup and hair, and waited with my purple hightop converse in one hand, and my black combat boots that have shiny buckles all the way up the side in the other hand. I grab my converse and pull them on, tightening the laces and then grab my keys. I walk into the kitchen and grab the box of granola bars off the counter along with my phone and backpack, and head to the door.
Downstairs of the tiny apartment complex, Cris's girlfriend, Dawn, was waiting in the car. I get in the backseat and avoid eye contact by nodding my head foreward, causing my bangs to fall in front of my eyes like a curtain. I can see out, but no one can see in...
"Good morning Scarlett," Dawn says.
I nod my head once in greeting and then look out the window. I take my headphones out of my back pack and plug them into my ipod, turning it on and ccranking up the volume so as to block out all sound. Secondhand Serenade's Fall For You fills my head as I lean against the cold glass of the window. As the song dies down, I hear Dawn saying sdomething about me to Cris, so I press pause to listen.
"--Never talks, and its starting to bug me. I dont understand her movements like you do! she wont use the chalkboard I bought her so we could communicate.. I try to let her know I love her as much as you do, but she wont let me!" she says to Cris angrily.
"Well if your parents died and then a year later, your little brother; the only family you had left, died too, you wouldn't want to talk to anyone either." Cris replies sternly.
"But why us too? We take care of her for Gods sake! I just want to hear her soft voice one more time.. even if its just for a thank you.. just ONCE," Dawn says softly, but concerned.
I didnt want to hear anymore of her rant, so i pushed play again, and let my music drown out the world once more.
-my tears run down like razor blades, and no, I'm not the one to blame, its you... or is it me?-
I pushed next, not wanting to listen to the song Zack used to hum to himself subconsciously all the time, having heard it so many times blasting from my sterio.
-you would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies... lit up the world as i fell asleep.. cuz they fill the open air, and leave teardrops everywhere. you'd think me rude but i would just stand and... stare.-
Scarletts Scars Ch. 1
I was standing with my back to the door, not caring if the teacher came in and caught me out of my seat again. Being his favorite student, he didnt mind much anyway. Any other student though, hed probably serve them a detention. I open his top drawer of his desk and find the stash of gum packets taken from other students and take two, popping a peice in my mouth as I walk back to my seat. I sit down right as Mr. Ewell walks in, late as usual.
"Well class, how are you? Ready to go home by the look of it," he says, walking to the chalkboard and writing down the assignment.
The class murmers different replies, mainly grumbles as they grab their books. I could really care less what the lesson for today was at this point. Just because Mr. Ewell plays favorites, im passing History. All it takes is a great pouty face and a perverted teacher.
As my friend Cris walks by, he pops the bubble that I had been blowing with his finger and laughs.
Rey, this guy who has a creepy crush on me and seems to think im dating him, sees our exchange of laughter and pipes up.
"Nice. Keep flirting. See where it puts you."
"Uh, how is he flirting? Heh, ew. Hes my best friend. Im allowed to have friends, arent I?" I ask, smirking as his expression changes from bully to lovey.
"Thats the most youve said to me all year!"
"Yea, but that doesnt mean Im in love with you, it just means Im acknowledging you exisist... today."
Cris sits on my desk and starts playing with my many kandii bracelets. I laugh as I point out the scar my turtle had givin me a few months back, telling him the story for probably the millionth time.
"Cris, go back to your seat this is independant work!" Mr. Ewell says from across the room.
"Oh, but I dont know what we are doing so I asked Cris for help, seeing as youre so busy, I didnt want to bother you," I flash my crooked half smile at Mr. Ewell and beam.
"Oh.. Oh alright, but grab a chair cris, the desks arent for sitting upon"
"Will do"
"Thank you Mr. Ewell!"
"Youre welcome, Scarlett."
I pull out my phone and go to new messgaes. three new ones from Nomis are blinking at me, "Where are you?" "Where the hell are you?" "Answer when I call, its important."
I hit reply, and tell her to call me again.
"Hello?"
"What class are you in?"
"World history, 5th period. Whats wrong?"
"Ummh.. Shit.. Zach is dead, Scarz... I need your help. Please come get me..."
I just sit in my seat, a blank stare glazing over my eyes as I look straight ahead. that look. The one Cris knows so well. I thought it would be okay now. That everything was going to be perfect..
I hang up my phone and just stare. Cris looks at me, laughing at something Rey had said. when he sees my dead look, his smile slips away and he murmers, "Not again."
"Well class, how are you? Ready to go home by the look of it," he says, walking to the chalkboard and writing down the assignment.
The class murmers different replies, mainly grumbles as they grab their books. I could really care less what the lesson for today was at this point. Just because Mr. Ewell plays favorites, im passing History. All it takes is a great pouty face and a perverted teacher.
As my friend Cris walks by, he pops the bubble that I had been blowing with his finger and laughs.
Rey, this guy who has a creepy crush on me and seems to think im dating him, sees our exchange of laughter and pipes up.
"Nice. Keep flirting. See where it puts you."
"Uh, how is he flirting? Heh, ew. Hes my best friend. Im allowed to have friends, arent I?" I ask, smirking as his expression changes from bully to lovey.
"Thats the most youve said to me all year!"
"Yea, but that doesnt mean Im in love with you, it just means Im acknowledging you exisist... today."
Cris sits on my desk and starts playing with my many kandii bracelets. I laugh as I point out the scar my turtle had givin me a few months back, telling him the story for probably the millionth time.
"Cris, go back to your seat this is independant work!" Mr. Ewell says from across the room.
"Oh, but I dont know what we are doing so I asked Cris for help, seeing as youre so busy, I didnt want to bother you," I flash my crooked half smile at Mr. Ewell and beam.
"Oh.. Oh alright, but grab a chair cris, the desks arent for sitting upon"
"Will do"
"Thank you Mr. Ewell!"
"Youre welcome, Scarlett."
I pull out my phone and go to new messgaes. three new ones from Nomis are blinking at me, "Where are you?" "Where the hell are you?" "Answer when I call, its important."
I hit reply, and tell her to call me again.
"Hello?"
"What class are you in?"
"World history, 5th period. Whats wrong?"
"Ummh.. Shit.. Zach is dead, Scarz... I need your help. Please come get me..."
I just sit in my seat, a blank stare glazing over my eyes as I look straight ahead. that look. The one Cris knows so well. I thought it would be okay now. That everything was going to be perfect..
I hang up my phone and just stare. Cris looks at me, laughing at something Rey had said. when he sees my dead look, his smile slips away and he murmers, "Not again."
Scarletts Scars Dedications...
Dedicated to Kaleigh Gregory...
Even though i couldnt fix everything in your life that ended up leaving a scar, doesnt mean that you dont mean the world to me... in my heart, you will always be my Scarlett.
For:
Rachel... "BATMAN."
Taylor (pikachu)... "we're wearing the same pants again! without calling each other! TOTAL WIN."
Taylor(god)... "RAAAAAAGEEE!"
Ali Wire... "LMFAOJKTWH"
Ali Warren... "MADI FALLINGMASTER! iloveyou"
Nicky... "greeeeeen." "Q IS FOR KAUALA!" "you looka lyka woman but you talka lyka man" and many more inside jokes...
Kyler... "i love you" ...and i love you too. forever.<3
TEDDYBEAR<3... kevin, you were always there for me, for that i love you. youre like an older brother to me, thank you.
kaykay (kaitlynn)... you are the ONLY person that can get me to wear high heels and make me look like a barbie and then take me to school that way.
i swear to god.
love you<3
i love you all, even those of you who arent named, i do indeed love you.<3
Even though i couldnt fix everything in your life that ended up leaving a scar, doesnt mean that you dont mean the world to me... in my heart, you will always be my Scarlett.
For:
Rachel... "BATMAN."
Taylor (pikachu)... "we're wearing the same pants again! without calling each other! TOTAL WIN."
Taylor(god)... "RAAAAAAGEEE!"
Ali Wire... "LMFAOJKTWH"
Ali Warren... "MADI FALLINGMASTER! iloveyou"
Nicky... "greeeeeen." "Q IS FOR KAUALA!" "you looka lyka woman but you talka lyka man" and many more inside jokes...
Kyler... "i love you" ...and i love you too. forever.<3
TEDDYBEAR<3... kevin, you were always there for me, for that i love you. youre like an older brother to me, thank you.
kaykay (kaitlynn)... you are the ONLY person that can get me to wear high heels and make me look like a barbie and then take me to school that way.
i swear to god.
love you<3
i love you all, even those of you who arent named, i do indeed love you.<3
Scarletts Scars..
Okay... Im writing a story called Scarletts Scars, and Im going to be posting it up here. Its also on my Deviant Art along with the rest of my poetry.. But I figured This was a good way to let people read my story and get some sort of response on it.. Ive been told by alot of people that its really good, including my mom... She wants to kill me everytime I let her read it, because it just stops XD
hahah.
But I just want it to get noticed, and get some real criticism on it...
well, im going to post what i have of it so far...
thank you!
and yes, Im not only going to be posting my story, I will also be ranting about school, and life as my blog is described.
I just thought this was a good way to maybe get noticed. (:
well, thanks!
....and the Madness begins...
hahah.
But I just want it to get noticed, and get some real criticism on it...
well, im going to post what i have of it so far...
thank you!
and yes, Im not only going to be posting my story, I will also be ranting about school, and life as my blog is described.
I just thought this was a good way to maybe get noticed. (:
well, thanks!
....and the Madness begins...
6/12/10
Music and Poetry
For some, music is their life.
Their escape.
Their everything or their only thing.
For me, its all of these.
I was born into a very musically oreinted family, and I wasnt even fully aware of it until recently.
I always knew that I had relitives that were at some point somewhat famous in their life time, but I never knew anything about them or what they did.
See, I didnt really care, and I still dont.
But its still interesting to hear about.
to learn about.
I love how everything is so old, yet so new..
Music will never die, and if it does, life wouldnt be worth living because then there would be no happiness left.
In the world we live in nowadays, everything is hard.
Everything is unstable, and uneven.
And unfair.
I may be only 15, but I do know what its like to go through things that others wouldnt know how to deal with.
And im not saying I did, or do know how to handle it all properly, Im saying that I only had several things getting me through everything that would be going on at home, and at school.
Music, was one of them and played the biggest part in my handling everything.
Writing, was another.
I recently moved to my moms house after living with my dad for 6 years, and to help deal with that, I wrote.
To focus, sleep, and function, I listened to music.
I write poetry.. and the first poem I wrote when I moved here with my mom was one titled Book of Leather..
I dont really understand the meaning behind it, I sorta just... wrote it to escape...
BOOK OF LEATHER:
every scar has a story.
or a line.
or a word.
but no matter what,
the always get you talking.
a dog bite.
a bee sting.
a car crash.
but what about the
hidden scars?
that dont come up
in conversation...
the mental scars,
rhetorical scars...
they dont have a
story.
or a line.
or a word.
they have an entire book.
each one in its own
leather bound cover.
bookmarked with lace.
where we then
tuck them away
in the shelf of our mind...
and forget it was even there.
every scar has a story...
anyway, there it is.. Hope you like it.
And now, back to music..
Im a choir stusent, and Im a freshman in highschool.
Ive been singing since age 3, and i never really thought i had a good voice untill my music appreication teacher in 7th grade forced me to sing in front of the class after hearing me singing down the hall one day.
He recorded my voice inclass, in front of EVERYONE.
i wanted to hide under a rock.
And stay there.
Forever.
And ever since then, he spent the rest of my 7th grade year, and all of my 8th grade year, yelling at me to go into the choir at the highschool.
And so.. thats just what i did.
I was placed into soprano when I got into choir at the highschool I went to while living with my dad, and thats my normal range when I sing in a group.
But when I moved, I was placed into alto, which killed me.
I ended up having to lip sing EVERY song we learned, because i would randomly start following along with the sopranos and throw everyone off.
so..
I cheated.
For the sake of everyone else and not getting yelled at by angry tenors and altos...
And if you were in choir, you would know how MEAN choir kids can be.
You love them and you hate them...
(:
Im just glad that the school year is over in a week..
This is it.
Goodbye, and thanks for reading...
As my thoughts continue, and my body slowly follows, I make it through this year, finally.
Their escape.
Their everything or their only thing.
For me, its all of these.
I was born into a very musically oreinted family, and I wasnt even fully aware of it until recently.
I always knew that I had relitives that were at some point somewhat famous in their life time, but I never knew anything about them or what they did.
See, I didnt really care, and I still dont.
But its still interesting to hear about.
to learn about.
I love how everything is so old, yet so new..
Music will never die, and if it does, life wouldnt be worth living because then there would be no happiness left.
In the world we live in nowadays, everything is hard.
Everything is unstable, and uneven.
And unfair.
I may be only 15, but I do know what its like to go through things that others wouldnt know how to deal with.
And im not saying I did, or do know how to handle it all properly, Im saying that I only had several things getting me through everything that would be going on at home, and at school.
Music, was one of them and played the biggest part in my handling everything.
Writing, was another.
I recently moved to my moms house after living with my dad for 6 years, and to help deal with that, I wrote.
To focus, sleep, and function, I listened to music.
I write poetry.. and the first poem I wrote when I moved here with my mom was one titled Book of Leather..
I dont really understand the meaning behind it, I sorta just... wrote it to escape...
BOOK OF LEATHER:
every scar has a story.
or a line.
or a word.
but no matter what,
the always get you talking.
a dog bite.
a bee sting.
a car crash.
but what about the
hidden scars?
that dont come up
in conversation...
the mental scars,
rhetorical scars...
they dont have a
story.
or a line.
or a word.
they have an entire book.
each one in its own
leather bound cover.
bookmarked with lace.
where we then
tuck them away
in the shelf of our mind...
and forget it was even there.
every scar has a story...
anyway, there it is.. Hope you like it.
And now, back to music..
Im a choir stusent, and Im a freshman in highschool.
Ive been singing since age 3, and i never really thought i had a good voice untill my music appreication teacher in 7th grade forced me to sing in front of the class after hearing me singing down the hall one day.
He recorded my voice inclass, in front of EVERYONE.
i wanted to hide under a rock.
And stay there.
Forever.
And ever since then, he spent the rest of my 7th grade year, and all of my 8th grade year, yelling at me to go into the choir at the highschool.
And so.. thats just what i did.
I was placed into soprano when I got into choir at the highschool I went to while living with my dad, and thats my normal range when I sing in a group.
But when I moved, I was placed into alto, which killed me.
I ended up having to lip sing EVERY song we learned, because i would randomly start following along with the sopranos and throw everyone off.
so..
I cheated.
For the sake of everyone else and not getting yelled at by angry tenors and altos...
And if you were in choir, you would know how MEAN choir kids can be.
You love them and you hate them...
(:
Im just glad that the school year is over in a week..
This is it.
Goodbye, and thanks for reading...
As my thoughts continue, and my body slowly follows, I make it through this year, finally.
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